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Unknown Past

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Unknown Past

Post by CJWatso on August 14th 2009, 3:10 pm

She never knew what either one of her past is. But she knows the future of those around her and can see in to their past. However, Abby Lakota is unable to see her past. Well not many vampires remeber their human past. As of now she is looking for a vampire, that looks exactly like her. The vampire also lives by a vegiterian lifestyle. The girl was changed back in 1649. Making her the same age as Abby, 360 years old.

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Take my hand child... Let me guide you in the way of the shadows...
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Re: Unknown Past

Post by Goddess of the Sea on August 15th 2009, 3:23 am

This sounds nice! A nice summary, but if you plan to put this at the back of the book, it might use a little editing to make the potential readers take the book and read.

Otherwise pretty good. Make sure to keep me posted how it's going!
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Re: Unknown Past

Post by CJWatso on August 15th 2009, 3:29 am

It's actually the first paragraph.

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Take my hand child... Let me guide you in the way of the shadows...
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Re: Unknown Past

Post by CJWatsup on August 16th 2009, 1:41 pm

Haha! Lol GOTS!

Anyhow on a more serious note:

Very good... I like it, can't wait to read more!

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Re: Unknown Past

Post by CJWatso on August 16th 2009, 2:06 pm

* well I didn't say that it was though and here is more*

Abby feels that she must find her, and this girl; vampire can fill in the blanks for Abby. Abby saw that she would be in a libray writing in her journal. Abby ran up the library steps at a human pace, and entered. The other vampire, was here but in the history section. Abby followed the sent down to the basement.

Emma was waiting for the vampire she had caught her sent and had heard her come down the stairs. Emma looked up as her visited and let out a not needed gasp. Emma stood up and looked at her. It was like looking into a mirror, and to have yourself looking back at you. Finally Emm got the courage to speak. "Why hello there." Emma said softly. Abby looked at the vampire that looked like her. "Who are you, and why do you look like me?" she asked the vampire in front of her.


Last edited by Sky on August 16th 2009, 2:38 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Cj's critism)

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Take my hand child... Let me guide you in the way of the shadows...
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Re: Unknown Past

Post by CJWatsup on August 16th 2009, 2:30 pm

=S

*WARNING WARNING, CRITISM AHEAD*

I think you could add a bit more detail and improve your volcabulary...

Abby walked up to the library, and walked through the doors
Here I think you could use better words then walked... Like:

Abby ran to the library as fast as her legs would allow her. She reached the doors and entered.

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Re: Unknown Past

Post by CJWatso on August 16th 2009, 2:33 pm

I can add that. That is why I write in pencial.

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Re: Unknown Past

Post by CJWatsup on August 16th 2009, 2:35 pm

Lol, I'd use me if I were you... I am an ace at vocabulary due to the ammount I read... I can read anything up to like 20 500+ page books a week

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Re: Unknown Past

Post by CJWatso on August 16th 2009, 2:56 pm

Emma took a step back and grabbed her journal. " I am Emma Lakota. My age is 19 by the human standers. I am actually 360 years of age. Emma said, looking down at the drawing that she drew of her sister all those years ago. Abby gasped as well before answering. "I am Abby Lakota, and to the humans I am 19. I am really 360 years old as well. I was born in 1630, on October 31st. Emma smiled and sat down at the table she was at before. " Well Abbu will please sit down and join me?" Emma asked.

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Fire of the Dragon, Water of the Naiad, Air of the Pegasus, Earth of the Minotaur, Light of the Sun, Shadow of the Moon

____

Take my hand child... Let me guide you in the way of the shadows...
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Re: Unknown Past

Post by Cara on August 18th 2009, 3:38 am

Sounds like a good story!!! XP
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Re: Unknown Past

Post by skywalker on August 20th 2009, 6:31 pm

I like it. It's quite good, aye.

Now lass get ye butt back to writing it. So no breaks there Lass.
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Re: Unknown Past

Post by Goddess of the Sea on August 21st 2009, 7:08 am

Whyever have two accounts, Sky? Very Happy
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Re: Unknown Past

Post by CJWatso on August 21st 2009, 7:21 am

One to get away from my crazy help, or maybe I'm crazy .... Smile

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Take my hand child... Let me guide you in the way of the shadows...
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Re: Unknown Past

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